My Monster Tactics Datalog: The Misadventures of Oersted

Our default team. I can already tell Emmy has touched some numbers here and there with the new EXP/JP system going on, but regardless of that we have in our pockets all the basic cover: Healing/Revival, Buff/Debuffs, Physic/Magic attacks and Unique niches. Ramza of course it's your typical jack all trades, so use him as you see fit

I decided to put both my Chocoling, Goblin cub and Kitten on stand-by because I don't need them here (And before you ask, I will change their names later)

The foes. I kinda like how despite all the hype we got from the game, this squire over here ends up being the most dangerous since CT Save it's so powerful on tanky units

The battle it's just a matter of who gets the first strike. I waste a turn of my Pisco because I forgot the fact that he still doesn't have enough MP for spells.

Sadly, they make a huge mistake: One of the flotiballs gets on critical and the goblin decides to heal him, wasting his turn and also killing his partners since I took down the thing before his skill resolved, giving me a full round of hits on them.

Overall, this is just prologue part 2: Enemies are more dangerous since they are more competent, but you should beat them if you know how CT works (and even then sandbagging like crazy can also do the trick)

Before ending this little update, I noted this brand new skill on Delita. I cannot wait to abuse the hell out of it

Behold.........MY NEW TEAM (sans Airburn and Dusk since I like those guys.They can stay)

Oersted: Wait a sec: Lynn, why did you change your name?

Pisco: Well, you see....................

I decided to change Oersted into Chemist because being versatile its the best thing ever. He learns:

Squire:
Wish: Revive with 1% Hp
Tackle: Physical hit. Can Proc Silence
Remedy: Heals several status effects
Yell: Add Haste on target
Cheer Up: Add Protect/Shell on target
CT Save: Br% chance of restore 20 CT when hit

Chemist:
Plume: Add Reraise on target
Potion: Restore 50% Max Hp

Team formation. But before doing anything, let's see what old Balbanes has to say

Yeah..........Moving on!!!!

Do you really have to ask? (Spoilers: Screw his ass)

The oposition: they're kinda handicap since those thiefs are like: "GOTTA GO FAST!!!!!..............and do 1 damage"

First order of business: NO REVIVES ALLOWED

Since the AI doesnt recognize some of emmy new skills until certain levels (like Siphon), they just got stuck dealing weak damage via tentacle (rule 34 strikes again)

In the end, I got old fashioned and do an Overkill because (Really, I'm loving the new Delita)

Overall, it's kinda telegraphed: Chocobo will go and suicide on Ramza and Co if Algus becomes less of a desirable target (easily done with a Plume), Piscos will go kamikaze on me just to die horribly and the thieves are the bards of this fight. I do like how despite of that, you can still lose if one of the thieves manage to land a steal heart or the chocobo evades every hit (which is quite possible). Good battle, but easy nonetheless

And before going to sleep..........................

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spoilers: He comes with us  (-_-)

First of all: best to get those poison ivys since poison it's fucking powerful on CH1. Going back to the story:

"I don't know, he just keep following me talking nonsense about revenge and become my servant"

GET BENT

Battle formation

Oersted goes to spend some quality time with his elder brother, so Algus decides to pester Delita about his boring and yet annoying backstory

Good lord there was a ambush out of nowhere to stop his bitching

This map it's straightforward like almost all CH1: Beat their shit and avoid getting destroy

Alma doesn't seems to get the memo however.........

Here is where I notice something: Dusk decides to go around, chasing some ladies while Othelos and Xipha gets fucked

Algus does something for once and poison the boss and with just that I won this battle

It's not like it was struggling or something however

Poor thing.......he just wanna go home...........

As his last move, decides to seppuku on me just to die by triggering counter flood. I guess that's better than poison ticks

Overall, this is quite a good show: ??? enemies are quite the roadblock if you're going for the first time, but this is also the best of times to show off status effect as the best answer to deal with those enemies (confusion being my personal favorite: I just cannot get tired of seeing units being goofy). Vanilla and 1.3 players can also be surprise by how tamed this bosses can be when you know their weaknesses (this can also backfired in some situations, however)

Learned skills:

Chemist:
Poison Ivy: Inflict Poison on target
Throw Item: Use item command at 4 range

What's better than one person applying poison? TWO persons applying poison, of course

Delita it's looking more like my inner thoughts by the minute, folks

Battlefield: This is one constant on Monster Tactics: Most of the time, you're outnumbered and you gotta play smart the first couple of turns or otherwise, you're getting raped

Also, don't rely all your offense or support duties on these two: Their equipment and skills gets randomized between fights

Ramza starts doing his only job: Haste everyone 

Airburn does quite a chunk of damage on the goblin over here, attracting the chocobo on my trap, eliminating both as a threat

Algus does his best at being nasty and gets blow up as result

The real MVP it's Airburn however: Endeavor it's quite the useful skill when it's combined with reraise/a well timed revival

Helligor doesn't slack off however: cat kick it's the perfect thing to avoid short range sandbagging 

Delita also dispose of the second Goblin while the last one reflex about his life choices as he dies on poison food

And since this is and LP, it has to end with a Self-destruction

This is by far the hardest battle for new players on CH1: This is the first time you get a lot of things happening on screen and little time to react accordingly. My best advice it's to chill out where you start and let them charge at you so you can pelt them from apart while they waste their CP chasing you. Hell, even veterans can find themselves losing the battle just because of a nasty self-destruct, so keep you AT list on hand and think before act and you should avoid unnecessary deaths (Algus was on purpose because fuck him)

Oersted feels the magic and decides to go full nuke as Wizard

Learned Skills:

Chemist:
Soap: Inflict Regen on target
Plague Skull: Inflict Mist on target
Auto Potion: Use Potion when attacked

Wizard:
Nanoflare: Non-elemental spell (Range 4, no AoE)

My team. Oersted is making the game slightly hard since he got a lead on lvls and the enemy scales with the highest lvl in the roster

"Ohhh shoot: Bad guys at three o'clock. Please be quiet every-"

"DAMMIT ALGUS!!!!!"

The opposition. Getting rid of those kittens it's top priority for now

Setting up my emergency plan

Our friend over here decides to spam mana bomb on Chikka, but Delita goes in with the objection

Dream team confirmed

Oersted too stronk, pls nerf

Helligor it's all bark, but no bite

Chocobos does excels at their jobs: Being a nuisance in general

They almost manage to delete Chikka from existence too

Bad chocobos: GET SPANKED!!!!!

And to keep up with the festivities........

"It's a frigging bird. Just let me handle this"

"Hmph......As you wish............"

"Hey buddy: The name's Oersted. See this seed sack? If you don't want that thing in a "unpleasant" place, you better start talking NOW, capiche?"

I was about to do a joke but it was too mainstream so....................

Let's talk about this map: You already know how handle several enemies, but this time you can get completely decimated by their superior jump. as last time, stay inside the starting zone and make your way killing one at a time. Chocobos are the least of your troubles since wish it's just prolonging the inevitable, but a well place bite/sleep can mess you up pretty badly, so watch out and keep everyone spread. This place it's a field-trip with a Squid, so bring it if you can (not doing it here since next time can also be useful)

Going back to basics

Learned skills:

Priest:

Cure: Restore Hp (Range 4, AoE 1)
Raise: Revives unit with 50% Hp (Range 4, no AoE)

Time Mage:

Haste: Accelerate CT gaining by 50% (Range 4, AoE: 1, no height tolerance)
Slow: Decrease CT gaining by 50% (Range 4, AoE: 1, no height tolerance)

Being killed by the plot or my hands? A hard choice indeed........

Today's battlefield. Jellies are a nuisance if you rely on magic to deal damage, meanwhile bomb can be quite dangerous since critical quick/self-destruction never gets old. Please take note of Delita's PA

Le buffs and bait

Just look at this beautiful clusterfuck...........They already lost

Goblins are generally good in this match-up: Eye gouge can shut down any threats, meanwhile endeavor can bypass their hp advantage and put them on the kill zone quite fast

Delita or Oersted can also contribute to the cause drying out their mp reserves to avoid nanoflares and MP-switch procs

random attack + counter flood: A confused ranger

Delita + Bloodlust: A scary foe

Airburn manages to piss off everyone out there. I must give him a cookie 

HA:The joke's on you!!!

Just look at this monstrosity.........To put it on context: Oersted will reach that PA naturally by CH4

"You can't go from pickpocket to outright kidnapping people"

"And what are you arguments?"

"Well, you see................."

"That's.............pretty convincing.......BLARG"

"I.....think I'll come back later, kay?"

And this is why you don't send three squires to do an army's job.

Overall, I feel this battle a little easy compare to the last time: The enemy once again needs to catch you before doing anything and Jellies can be dealt easily since they lack long-range options.You can also put a meat-shield in front of one door and watch as they pile up trying to kill said unit, just to get them destroyed by the rest of your party (hasted to make it more quick)

I need bloodlust in my life, if you don't mind

Skills Learned:

Squire (MASTERED):

Throw Stone: Deal damage at distance
Arms Mastery: Inmunity to steal/break skills, unit can exchange equipment mid-battle, unit can found items on hidden tiles
Poison Heal: If unit has poison, it heals 1/4 Max Hp
Rough Skin: Deals 4 x PA back to the enemy when attacked

Knight:

Mp Break: Deals Mp damage + Inflict Rasp

Ranger:
Neutralize: Removes Faith and Innocent
Guts: Unit deals 50% more damage if it has a negative status effect

Cutscenes: Delita decides to be a bro and take one from the team, but I'm better than that

("AAAAAND this is the part where Delita and I get expeled")

Okay..................("...............WHAT JUST HAPPEN HERE?!?!?")

Old Balbanes wasn't kidding when he entrust us with the task of being a true Beoulve it seems.........

So........We're going to fight against the only female captain, huh?

I prefer your rather not, Algus

As I said before, today's objective differs from the last few battles:

Birds are generally just hard to hit and chocobos don't need any explanation whatsoever. Miluda however can solo your whole party if you let her do her way

Algus decides to put some use to his rather underwhelming reactions by proc Mega-Flare on the poor bird (that spell cannot be reflect BTW) 

Delita and Oersted should dry their Mp to avoid Mp switch and annihilate the chocobo as fast we can muster: Haste or Shell/Protect on Miluda it's outright a reset unless you have a sparkle ready to self-destruct

Poison Heal + Poison + Guts: A wreaking ball (And I'm getting bloodlust after this)

The birds this time manage to inflict Haste,Transparent,Reflect and Shell on Oersted in this battle. I won't complain (I still reraise the sparkle since the two previous attempts ended up in defeat after they proc charm on Delita and he just destroy my ass along Miluda................)

FFT AI: Shit, they're about to kill her........let me throw sorcery at her!!!!!!!!  :yes 

"You're fucking fired"

Can just calm down, dude?

"Feh..... sympathy it's for the weak. Next time, I'll kill you for sure!!!" *Escapes*
 

I'm asking the same to you, you psychopath

There's no too much to be said: Miluda will try to kill everything on they field, you dispose of her before that happens. The only threat the rest of the enemies would pose it's getting charmed or they focus on your designed nuker, but otherwise a easy battle overall

Meanwhile..............

So yeah: Golagros just manages to kidnap the only brunette in the whole Ivalice, yet everyone know by a fact that ALL beoulves in history are fucking blondies. This is why you deserve to die, you nickwit

*Google translate said: Sorry, she's fucked. Can someone take me to the bathroom?*

"No one called you, Algus"

"Well..........fuck"

Delita proving that bloodlust wasn't a waste of a skill on him

#FRIENDSHIPITSMAGIC

And that's the last thing we know from Algus (at least for now). Oersted decides to clear his mind killing monsters somewhere, thus getting some new skills:

Knight:

Circle: Reduce MA by 3
Square: Reduce PA by 3
Bloodlust: Br% of gain +1 PA after succefully deal an attack with the grasp flag

Gameplay:

Gonna catch'em all

For balance reasons, this bad boy wont see the light of day until CH2 kicks in

Oersted gonna practice his heals since they're worthy on MT (Also before I forget: this a No crystal inheritance run, so I must prioritize which class needs JP to get certain skills/reactions/jobs)

"Not be so dumb, they will surely kill us"

I already know Xipha's little secret. I'm not afraid

Props to that little bird: It ends up making me laugh for hours

Jellies and Squids make a surprisingly stunning combo: since the latter will snick on you status effects, the former can walk like a dog in his home and take you down rather effectively while the bird it's the nurse. Miluda it's just a pain in the ass in general since she can cover all the mentioned points

Status effects everywhere

And screw them he does.........

Endeavor abuse and Oersted get mist out o that thing, just to be afflicted with innocent the next turn (Very funny, game)

Yeah.......Whip that ass!!! (......................Does jellies have ass thought?)

Poor bird gets locked into a reraise loop

Miluda also gets screw by the RNG missing FOUR raises in a row. I guess that's what she gets from being a total bitch on Delita

Let me explain this picture: Xipha cast sleep, Jelly moves in between my monsters, spell goes off, everyone goes zzz and Othelos's Synchronize goes off, essentially shitting down four of six party members. The AI sometimes scares me

And then she dies from poison. LAME

Overall, status effects deal quite well with anything this battle can throw at you. You should take this chance and unlock some classes since CH2 could potentially get you locked out (not as 1.3, but your strats would be more prone to luck than anything)

Oersted got into power rangers recently, so here's his loadout:

Priest:

Protect: Reduce physical damage by 50% (Range 3, AoE: 1, no height tolerance)
Shell: Reduce magical damage by 50% (Range 3, AoE: 1, no height tolerance)

Wizard:

Sheer Power: Damage increased by 1/3, attacks no longer inflict their random procs  

"But.....all of her family it's blonde. Doesnt that sounds little too suspicious to you?"

"Huh? I was looking thought the window, did you say anything?"

"..................Nevermind"

"And her last words were: Cheap tactics?!? URG, no one it's a dick on her except ME"

I see what you did there with Golagros, Emmy (No I don't)

The monsters aren't worth mentioning so I will go straight to him: Be aware of his stupidly high speed or be completely surrounded

AAAAAAND done.Not exactly something I would call extremely challenging

Angst Delita almost makes me cry, but another part of me believes that Teta would tear a hole on the fabrications of reality if she becomes playable. Just another Aerith I guess................

Strats? Just smack him hard and fast and be quick with it

First off, let me show off my new slave companion: like the last time, wait until CH2

Oersted decides to go classic into the last map of CH1

Learned Skills:

Ranger:

Reincarnation: Revives unit with 10% max hp (Range 4, AoE: 1)
CT Burst: Deals more damage to targets with lower CT than the user (Range 4, Arc range)
Bulletproof: Unit Evades bows,guns and missile attacks

Well...........that's leaving a mark

"Oh no........"

"T-Teta?"

"Sorry big brother........I couldn't fulfill.... our promise........"

After all this years........THIS still gets me (Go and eat your heart off Aerith, this is really sad)

"Don't have to tell me twice"

For the first time in ages...... we're having a 6 vs 6 battle

Today's lackeys are here just to make killing Algus all the more annoying

Speaking of which: Just stay spread so neither death sentence or Leaf dance hit multiple people

And off to a good start we go!!!

Did you know that Counter not longer sucks? 

One down, three more to go (Sorry Bomb, you're not worth my attention)

He even tries to protect his allies to no avail

Oersted gets to finally start the buffs on Delita: IDK if Algus AI it's bugged, but he will make a beeline to Delita, so you should use that to keep him busy while dealing with the others

Gonna admit: CH1 does his job when it comes to create an antagonist that we have good reasons to outright kill out of despise

Sadly, that doesn't mean the gameplay will match this characterization at all

Not that it matters when you get distracted by big numbers like these

Next time you should check out monsters inmunities/weaknesses before become one yourself, lad

Ehhhh.......Haven't heard about Beetlejuice? If you keep repeating his name like a pokemon who knows what will-

"DELITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I told you

Overall, I like the pace of the last of the prologue battles: Lots of things to get care of, a boss which can perfectly deal with you even alone and an actually useful NPC for once. Just choose whoever you see fit and roll with it since this is the final test before shit starts to get real. next time I'm posting CH1 analysis tomorrow, so stay tuned!!!

"Speaking of fishy: You were standing right there looking into the lake for like an hour, did something happen?"

"I......."

*Door opening*

*light steps*

"Excuse Agrias, where's Ovelia?"

"..............Do you realize I'm a knight with a sword, right?"

It's not like you have choice, little fella: She pays you for something

While Oersted dwell into his past year, all the monsters manage to digivolve growth into their adults forms. We also gain new allies (As to why Murkton was replaced, let's just say his taste was quite intriguing............)

Oersted decides that the best way to deal with life's problems it's to punch them until they disappear:

Chemist:

Light Curtain: Adds Protect on target
Lunar Curtain: Adds Shell on target
Mirror: Adds reflect on target
Ether: Restores 50% max MP

Monk;

Spin Fist: Attacks targets around the user (AoE 1)
Wave Fist: Attack target from affar (Wind elemental, Range 3)
Revive: Revive target with 33% Max HP (Range 3)

"Shhh: I can hear some people talking......."

"(Hmph: A least someone recognize my real value here)"

"OH, COME ON!!!"

"It's them, ATTACK!!!"

Today's battle it's a pain in the ass: everyone can revive each other (or even worse: apply reraise/protect/shell). dragging the battle until you get screw by the RNG eventually. Not dealing with that

Since both Gaffy and Agrias got Item/throw item combo, I just park myself there an buff my units

Both chocobos decides to mana bomb my party, so Helligor goes in with a paralize, also hitting a nearby thief (Sadly, Agrias doesn't get the same luck)

Things like interrupt can take you far here

thanks for the clutch HP restore: Let me repay your kindness

And down he goes

"............Would you care to explain where the hell are we going? I'm not exactly a Psico"

"So you wanna-"

"DON'T YOU DARE, XYPHA"

I would like to upload more images but this battle was that easy: Chocobos can't deal well with things like sleep or confuse, and thief are only dangerous at turn 1 since they move first, but they are as tanky as Edward, so there's that too

Learned Skills:

Monk:

Chakra: PA based Hp and Mp healing (AoE 1 around target, heals undead units)
Stigma Magic: Heals Several status effects (AoE 1 around user)

Note: From now on, I will do a random battle in-between battles to even out lvls between party members

Cut-scene: Some monsters are discussing if chocobos could be use at KFC

That "OMG" really ruins the whole scene, thought

This battle it's filler: Those dudes can't do jack shit until they're near and the Taiju it's the glue that keeps everything going here (not that she will do a good job at all but whatever)

#BashTheChicken

I'm starting to recall why I don't use dragons at all

Let's see: Raise, Divine Intervention, Arise.............Nope, you're screw buddy

They decide to do something resembling a threat and target both attacks on Agrias. The bad new? it would kill her. The good news? They're put themselves in front of me

Taiju comes to the rescue.........and then she gets stopped

And down she goes. Man, I starting to wonder if I should add more restrictions............(spoilers: I won't since that's outright suicidal)

"That dude was speaking nonsense about using common sense and stuff. He was badungus!!!"

Hey Chikka: Guess who's going back to the barn

I don't even need to explain this: Just be aware that Taijus are magic tanks and you're fine

I decide to leave him as Time Mage since Short Charge and 8 speed can dominate pretty much the entirety of CH2

Learned Skills:

Time Mage:

Short Charge: Halves CT charging of spells

Oracle:

Blind: Inflict Blind on target (AoE 1, Range 4)
Paralyze: Inflict Don't Act on target (AoE 1, Range 4)
Sleep: Inflict Sleep on target (AoE 1, Range 4)

...................Should I call the police or the PETA?

"I'm telling you this isn't the right way- huh?"

I would be surprised if I didn't know that he's an asshole thought and thought

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU TWO!!!: I'm tired of follow everyone's wishes and neglect my own will. I'm saving that Morbol because I WANT TO, ALRIGHT!?!?!?"

Today's map it's quite dynamic: Gaffy dealing scary amounts of damage, Squids pilling up status effects, Priests being annoying as balls and Morbols are just a whole different level of dangerous with a AoE party wide nuke attack 

First off: Oersted puts to sleep half of their team (That poor Morbol got petrified by a random proc from Delita's counter flood triggered by Gaffy's Night sword)

Thanks god I did plan ahead of time, because otherwise I would had to deal with three confusing song, two holy and maybe a bad breath on top of that

Let's waste their turn, shall we? (This will bite me in the ass later, so keep that in check)

Hasting the whole team and Airburn goes kamikaze before going down like a boss

>Delita use "If I were a boy - Beyonce"

> IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!

I.........I got nothing: She's just that DUMB

At least she can keep Delita "lubricated" if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (Also, Agrias stop doing that: You're getting Copyright)

I just LOVE how Gaffy decides to unceremoniously wake up, snark at us and then get back to sleep. It's just a perfect example of how I see senile people on a battlefield

So.....I stop/petrify this dude, then Othelos throw Esuna to cure Airburn's poison and hits Ovelia by mistake, who had reflect previously set by Agrias, thus bouncing off the spell all the way back at the Morbol, healing his petrify/stop

And this is why you won't see me abusing reflect

Gaffy get destroyed by all the sins he carries (and a well put eclipse), but ends up escaping

And thus, it all depends on this little fella over here. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

(spoiler: He doesn't make it)

Rule 34 got

I'm kinda curious now that you ask

Ohhh Delita, you're such a charm!!!!

Overall, I like this: Status effects are quite dangerous now and being bombarded by all of them at once let's you realize how useful reflect has become (or how annoying reflect shenanigans can get further ahead). I suggest to bring someone with 8 speed so you can at least disable Gaffy since Moxie can turn anyone into a murder machine (let alone someone with geomancy)

EDIT: I kinda brain-farted at Oersted image of badassery at the start of the battle, now it's fixed

On my way into the next battle, I caught this beauty. I won't change her name because LMAO (Yes, it's a she)

Oersted goes full anime this time:

Summoner:

Moogle: Heals Hp ( AoE: 2, Proc:Reraise, Damage undead)
Titan: Earth Elemental spell (AoE: 2, if target has float --> Heals Hp, Proc: Protect)

Time Mage:

Haste 2:Accelerate CT gaining by 50% (Range 3, AoE: 2)
Float: Adds Float on target (AoE: 1, Range 4)

#YOLOTactics

IDK why we get a choice here since this is a "But thou must" situation, but hey we get to stab some dudes/dudettes

This place it's AWFUL: Unlike Sand Cellar you got both a height and position disadvantage, thus be prepared to be bombarded by several spells before you even reach Mustadio

Not that he will survive long enough to do something................

I kinda mind-fucked the AI: Since most of my team it's weak to confusion, the dragons decided to throw confusion song, thus putting themselves right in front of this wall, where Dusk was waiting with a nice and warm mimic daravon, while Agrias baits someone else to avoid any meddling. I love being miles ahead the enemy for once

Boco's Geomancy and +2 range kinda owns (especially with these kind of procs)

This is how I beat this chapter:

Titan+ Sheer Power + Short Charge + 13 MA =

A lot of corpses

How cute, he thinks I will let him heal himself

Since you can already guess how it went, let's go back to the plot

"Not that I had a choice........"

"Did you say something?"

"NOTHING!!!"

"WOAH THERE!!! That was.............sudden"

"It's not like I don't trust you, but Titan it's right behind you and I can't stop him from break this joint unless you talk, so....................."

And then Agrias spoils the fun

Let me say this straight: DON'T TRY TO PUSH YOUR WAY INSIDE THE CITY!!!!!!!!!!

Just react to their behavior accordingly, kill them off fast with AoE spells (Like Titan here) and forget Mustadio: his fatass was destined to get nuked since the word go, so avoid rely on him

Today's team. I'm not including Oersted's setup since he's the same as last time

Why in hell are you laying our path towards the church? I got the feeling that almost all CH2's fights are because they are using the map backwards

On this battle, we have the one simple objective: Get rid of the world most dangerous race...................

Yeah....... feel their wrath!!!!

Since we got the time, why not?

This chemist here decides to try out Dance Dance Revolution, thus provoking several seizures and epilepsia on my folks

Trying to drop out a Moogle once it's cured from petrify it's quite the ordeal: They can resist almost any status effect, so magic it's the only way to get rid of them (Poison can also deal with them since they can't heal themselves thankfully)

Let's burn the witch!!!

Don't worry little creature, Agrias will release you from that pain very soon.........

Since I forgot to take more battle pics here's the resume: Hyper Beam was the MVP

Ovelia go to the swamp, you're drunk

"Can't someone hear people's talking about their deep secrets in peace?!?!?!"

Funny fact: Since my epsxe cannot reproduce all sounds, Ovelia it's the only one making any sound at all. LOL

Overall, I feel like Zaland 2 it's supposed to be the place where you learn about special conditions: Yeah the moogles are petrified but once the're cured from it, you cannot put themn back to extinction unless you nuke them out, so better avoid dealing with them at all (easy said than done)

Sorry, my bad. Fixed

Since the original friendly ghost wasn't available, I just brought a cousin of him

The arcana it's the mean which all will be revealed...........

"We won't accept your demands: A random morbol ask us to take him along!!!!"

"..............Are you hearing yourself, Agrias?"

THIS PLACE IT'S OUTRIGHT UNFORGIVING FOR FIRST TIMERS: You will need several scouts before find out the little secret behind this fight, so please tag along and try to take notes so you can avoid as much suffering as you can

This is by far the only heavy RNG-reliant action in this battle: Airburn can land his status effects twice, so I decided to bring him along to shut down one behemoth while Agrias makes sure to throw on him a Plume (Why Leg Aim? because if I landed petrify, the AI would prioritize healing the damn thing with Energy and I need at least one turn to set up without his meddling)

Both demons decided to pull their attention into killing Airburn, so Xypha takes a run for it an target two foes with Stop and roll (this is the only spell that any of them cannot resist without involving Oersted). Mustadio does his job perfectly and now I just need to deal with the trees and bezekira

Sadly, one Taiju decides to be a dick and remove reraise from Airburn, so Oersted waste some CP making sure that he survives Dark holy

Everything's going according to keikaku*

After some clean-up, Oersted begins my sinister plan of drug the blasted things with Temazepam

MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!!!!!

OHHH CRAP, THAT BEHEMOTH GOT FREE OF STOP I'M SCRE-

............................................

Just................Just go back to sleep, buddy (To be fair, his friend was charging Stone Edge but still IDK why the AI expected that I wouldn't go and kill him before that happens)

Even thought I took control of this joint, Taijus are well know as annoying as fuck, so they can make a full comeback if I let them (like here for example, that hellish Behemoth was charging a three-turns Hurricane, for the love of god!!!)

Poison doing the honors

It seems like someone has been taking classes with Delita about being edgy and stuff

Wow, this battle surely took a tool on me: Most of my resets were cause by those Taijus healing everyone by obscene amounts of HP, thus nullifying my meager attempts of a clean run. The secret behind this place? Bring people who can cast stop and sleep: killing it is not your priority here, you must shut down 3 or 4 units before you're even think about try it because again, Taijus are on the loose. Still, I don't mind that much since once I got pass that gruesome start, everything went smooth.

Meanwhile............

Nah dude, the only thing I got from the old man was some stinky pants

Well, fuck you too

"BTW, I was ambush by some tentacles on my mission, it has something to do with you?"

Foreshadowing........ (Not a good one, but the thought it was counts in the end)

Ramza decides to steal some booty this time

Since CH2 started, this is actually the only compelling reason why I should get my hands dirty (Mustadio doesn't count: We're pursued by Bart's company because no one could say no to a morbol that just joined three battles ago)

Geomancers are NASTY: They can completely obliterate you and the rest of the enemies won't make reach them easier

The damage here it's not my concerning: That petrify proc it's doubled by Serene Grace (which it's an innate of the class), so I'm facing a 60/40 chance of lose someone either by damage or the status when geomancy it's used.

Status it's the key: especially when you have someone with 100% chance of inflicting one of these

PLEASE, JUST DO SOMETHING!!!

And then I just miss a 75% stop. Thanks for the tip, Musti

Being hit by Titan it's this game answer to my previous LTC on Zaland 1

This battle it's exciting, I can tell

But in the end, everyone's here it's a victim of the RNG (I win thought)

Let's take note as Mustadio just disregard space-time continuity and teleports inside this joint to open the door

I like this one: 40% chance of shut one someone without killing it's quite horrible, so you should deal with everything outside their range and then go YOLO until they die. Just leave someone outside to heal the fallen ones and you're peachy

"Dad, I'm gonna out in search of a demon!!!"

"Sure son, have fun"

This setup it's brought to you by The legend of dragoons:

Learned skills:

Dragoon:

Seal Evil: Add Petrify (Range: Weapon)
Limited Wish: Revive target with 1-20 Hp (Range:2)

Thief:

Concentrate: Physical attacks have 100% accuracy

Monk:

PA Save: +1 PA each time you receive damage

Why Ivalice has a fucking radioactive swamp that can potentially poison you it's beyond me

Believe or not, this battle doesn't need any kind of heavy RNG manipulation to avoid shit like Ghostly Touch, just lots and lots of patience

Speaking of them: They're really won't lose any time into charging up Dark Holy to nuke out units. For some reason one of them decides to go melee

Not that I mad about it......

Since the only thing to worry about it's those flying nuisances, I better buff myself before the shitstorm comes to me

"Sorry, but my planet needs me......"

Petrifying moves are kind on the lower end when it comes to hit, but since my whole team sans Zelda can petrify at will, it's just a matter of time before getting what I want here

And this somehow manages to miss. Sometimes I wonder if I'm playing Thracia 776 all over again

*And here we have my newest exhibition of statues. I call it "When the RNG goes wrong"

Licking your way out won't happen here, buddy

For those who disregard the bow gun as "useless": here it's your proof of why it exist

And down he goes. My opinion? this place it's overrated as "fucking annoying" since you don't need to move your ass to achieve any result here, just look at this "master plan":

- Wait for Ghosts to approach the team (they will, don't worry)
-Petrify the fuckers
-Lure out the flans and morbols (Ovelia would be ideal for that)
-All-out-Attack
-Profit

Yeah, you can try and hit them till they die, but that's even more dangerous since you're probably leaving a ghost in critical, which cause 90% of the time their use of Ghostly touch to avoid death so just rely on statuses and be done with it

And here it is my last unit to fully saturate my roster of pokemons monsters. For now on, I will kick out people in favor of adding new ones

Captain Planet it's back, and now it's packing some heat:

Learned Skills:

Mediator:

Caution: Reduce CT by 25
Mimic Daravon: Inflict Sleep on target (AoE 1, Bypass reflect)
Praise: Inflict Reraise on target

Summoner:

Teleport: The unit can move almost anywhere instantly. chances of success are reduce by 10% each step you're exceed from your maximum movement

<Wizard>

Fireball: Fire elemental (Range 5, AoE 2)

<Dragoon>

Interrupt: Cancel skill/spell charging on target (Range 4)
Leg Aim: Add Stop (Range: Weapon)
Arm Aim: Add Don't Act (Range: Weapon)

"Yes, I got some time to relax. But what should I do? Hmm.........Maybe I should hit the bar and-"

You can always take freebies when I don't update this threat, dude

Gonna be honest here: This battle kicked my ass so much that I had to watch Augestein's Lp in search of ideas (Don't worry: I didn't copycat his run on this one)

First of all: I'm shutting down as many dragoons I can while cock-blocking these two Plagues with confusion song 

Arioch kinda save my bacon now and then with clutch Interrupt landing on the right moment

Aaaaaaaand this is why going all status on their hides doesn't pay off that well: Plagues have synchronize so any status inflict on them will be transferred to our units and Byblos have shed skin so they can shrug off things like poison or berserk like nothing most of the time. Of course, this doesnt mean you don't want status effect here: Trap the soul can easily shut down anyone here and they can't do anything to cure the unit hit with it and Oersted can also mined their efforts with a good Leg/Arm Aim

Did I mentioned that Byblos can die on a fire?

Dragoons are gone from the picture

Serene Grace (Doubles proc rates) can be such a beauty and a horror when it happens......

some reflect shenanigans later and now I got to deal with Ramuh once again (for the reference, Innocent WILL fade off if you take too long to end these battles)

ONE PUNCH MAN STRIKE AGAIN!!!

I'm amazed with Arioch: He missed three 80% hits IN A ROW. it doesn't help that the Byblos can end someone's life with Bio 2 if this keeps up

Thanks god the other Byblos decides to be dumb and dies from a counter magic proc

Please, I need to end this so my wounds can heal!!! (Also, DAT 20% Shield Block)

And Gasper comes back with a vengeance (Really, Ghosts are you best bet against Plagues since counter magic cripples them with Life drink reversing on undead units)

Aaaaaand Done. My thoughts? It was as painful as the first time I did this whole thing (And bare in mind that on 2.29, this battle was nerfed because it was outright impossible without heavy RNG on you part). My suggestion it's to bring someone who can block the plagues since they are the most mobile units of the bunch. Dragoons are a joke since Sleep/Trap the soul can deal with them quite nicely and Byblos are bards with Black Magic so beware leaving them alone for too long.

Oersted channels it's inner comedian

Learned Skills:

Geomancer:

Flood Ball: Use Element/Status proc from User's tile (Magical Damage)
Seismic Wave: Use Element/Status proc from target's tile (Physical Damage)
Terrain Mastery: Can move around every tile without penalty

"Maybe it was a bad idea to send him for some booze"

Dammit Mustadio: You had one job

"huh........what a little bastard....."

*Throws Stone at the man*

"That's for the tip, young man. Now......."

This would be pretty scary if didn't just get an uber Goblin to my side

Today's battle it's kinda dull: Everything here outside of uribos can be confused/poisoned/Stopped so there is no excuse to not use Mustadio. Also, take note at this little guy over here:

Your best way to lure out everyone here it's to use Oersted with an accessory that block any status effect so they are forced to use charged spells to take him down (Of course, all these actions should happen AFTER Mustadio get his ass out of there)

Next step: Cut their horns

Don't you love when the game derp that much that  ends up giving you the upper hand?

Self-destruct Abuse, HOOOOO!!!!!!

This would help you if I didnt kill you already, bud

Aaaaaand I just won this battle (For the record: These two were confused/stopped)

This is why Oersted it's such a murder-machine: Moxie it's a skill you can get which grants you +1 MA/PA when you kill someone. It's beautiful

This Pudding somehow manages to be more annoying while confused than he is without it

I decided to get this critter to the brink of death

Just to blow him up along half my party because #YOLO

Since Oersted it's out of pokeballs, someone must hit the bench

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khmudXrDemU[/media]

"I don't wanna sound like a dick but.........WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO!?!?!?"

"I'm Mustadio, and this is my dad: Besrodio"

"THEN WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A GOBLIN!?!?!?"

"I don't know.........herpes?"

"Hmmm.....................I can live with that. Now, back to the topic"

"Why you think that?"

"Remember what happen at the church"

*Flashback*

"Okay then: Let's me show you something"

*Put red stone on the table*

"it's this what troubles you?"

"Then it's true: The Zodiac Braves did exist.....Then Bart......."

"it's decided then: You must bring back that stone to the church so we can protect it"

"But what if Bart's Company found it first?"

"I'm going with you: You can pay me later if you like"

"Thanks, Oersted"

"It's seems this is our cue. Thanks for everything, Oersted: Please be safe"

"I will, Agrias. Take care of Ovelia"

*End of the flashback*

"They are the only ones who could have told Bart about the whereabouts of the stone: There it's no doubt"

"The people it's tired of both monsters and monarchy: This is their big chance"

"Then......what we can do now?"

"Let's contact an old friend of mine"

And there's the end of that.

I was kind of disappoint: I was prepared for a gruesome battle and then I found up myself with a big handicap out of nowhere.......Speaking of extremely lucky. But the battle itself wouldn't be that different however: Just spam the regular dosis of status effects and you have it in the bag.

Oersted it's going back to the black & white theme

"UGH, I can't stand being an entire day in the sea"

That's a little harsh Delita

"You're even wanted by the Boy scouts for god sake!!!"

Today's map it's what I call: I hope you like other stuff aside of punch things to death

Oersted decides to give Delita a friendly lick to break the ice (Hey, I didn't say it was a good approach of the situation.....)

I can't take seriously this map anymore after seeing this

Since I saved my pudding to another time, I just went the other way around and buffed my party up the creek

That doesn't mean this is a walk in the park however: Mr.turtle over here can nuke everything on this map fairly easy

The most important thing in the whole fight it's reflect. Otherwise Hyper Beam shenanigans are in place

Mimes are one if not the best thing in the world with amplify: Here I just showing you an Amplify Bad bracelet

Sadly, not everything's going as I planned..........

Just a joke: I have it in the bag already

even more buffing and Oersted got a thing against poor Zelda (Maybe he was expecting link?)

This is basically me playing with them like a toy

If I don't make Darvos blow off at least once when it gets deploy, the battle it's a failure in my books

Dully note here: Break skills can bypass defensive attributes from units, otherwise Genryu would have done 25 damage at best

THE DISRESPECT

Oersted finally gets what he's deserves and I cut it here just because (I forgot o take more pics) I'm lazy. I kinda feel bad for them: I just steamroll trough it, but on the other hand, given the chance I would be definitely got blow out by Hyper beam so no harm's done.

I kinda hate how Oersted has been thread as "mildly annoying" up to this point, I mean we kinda kicked their butts several times by now



This is becoming more cartoonish as the time goes by



*Leaves*

"What the- WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME BEHIND!?!?!"



"W-What are you doing with that sword, cardinal?"

"Just cleaning up the dirt in my boots"



I would be more impact by this scene if FFXIII didn't ruined this cliche




Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming for That Booty:

Learned Skills:

Thief:

Steal Armor/Helmet/Shield/Weapon/Accessory: Self explanatory




Mulligan: I didn't put Basic skills on you!!!





This is basically a race against time: Disable at least half of the people out here or die





Ehem, I'm trying to comment in this LP if you don't mind



The only heavy-RNG reliant move I used (Charm it's VERY situational, so just use it once at the beginning and work around it)



Agrias it's in a bad spot: her sword skills do jack shit and her tankiness it's non-existent with the lack of plume, so I let her be my cheerleader



Charm it's already paying off



Confuse,Don't act,Stop............pick your poison



How this is even possible? What, Dracula was bored and made some robots?



Kill it. Kill it with fire




For once, healing it's kinda pointless since everything can 1HKO reliably unless debuffs are into play



Also, these fuckers can haste themselves and their buddies to exponentially raise my hate towards them




OH, SO NOW YOU WANT TO USE ULTIMA!!!!!! (For the record, you can get Ultima while being in the squire class. Good luck trying though)





And thus the Adventures of Dante Von Vlad have begun



Get sniped



"You're reposted in the wrong battle, sucker!!!"



You know that you suck at job when you're supposed to be a frontliner and the team rather have you as support




Dante Von Vlad for MVP





Emmy didn't said I couldn't made some salty rages from their tears





And down it goes. I must say: Steel Giants are designed to piss off people, so shut them, shut them in the god damn head (Ironically, Dragoons with guns are you best bet). The White Knight can also put the pain rather fast so better stop him in the act before things get hectic (being a special class he's also immune to most debuffs, so don't get cocky).

Last time, Agrias became part of the crew, and surprisingly enough, she wasn't turn into a Moogle or something, so we have a really unique character for once (In a world where your average citizen have six tentacles or a tail of course)

Sadly, this means another monster has to hit the bench, and Helligor got the call. Sorry buddy

Going in expecting the worst.

Learned Skills:

<Oersted>

Priest:
Reraise: Cast reraise on target (Range 3, AoE 1)

<Agrias>

Ranger:
Bulletproof

(I'm not displaying the description of skills I have already learn with Oersted, so better check it out on early entries if you wanna know)

*mumble* 

"HOLY CRAP, AND YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH!?!?!"

"Ohhhh god: it's Gafgarion, The Almighty Black Knight. Please everyone, try to not roll your eyes"

"Will you cut the crap and get to business?"

Everyone's sassy here, but do they have the muscles to support their words?

THEY DO

If you despite Vanilla for make this battle a joke, please do try and play this mod now because this place can chew and spit you out rather fast: they will always get the first turn and they will hurt you like a truck, Gafgarion can only get more powerful as the time goes and you're handicapped in a 5 vs 8 match,  you better be prepared beforehand for the slaughter

My approach consist on one single basic: Avoid ANY kind of sandbagging

CRAAAAWLIIIIIIIING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kinda regret leave Oersted as his canon zodiac since Gaffy can destroy him by blinking at him, but boy does that help with the status game

IcyHot action (Sadly, the girl didn't take his sexiness that well)

Gotta keep those heals coming

When confused units do better things for you than any charmed enemy

Arioch gave "his seed"

Quick shenanigans (Props to this battle: it actually gives you a reason to use that spell)

Goddammit Pineapple: I thought we had something special

Just because of that, I'm adding your friend to my museum

My heart skipped for a second there (MP damage doesn't knock out confusion/sleep/charm thankfully)

More killing and Gaffy doesn't discriminate when it comes to throw off his attacks

Sasha however, has a place in my heart now

You have to love how undead units can revive and say "peekaaboo" to their surprised victims

The last ninja decides to toss repel boosted with amplify to Darvos, but has an unexpected death cause by Agrias Rough Skin 

"Your brother, Dycedarg said he'd forgive you! Come on, wake up!!"

"I won't be involved in wrong doings anymore: I've run from the truth long enough, and now it's time to make amends!!!"

"Then be it: Next time I will make sure my sword slice your throat.......Even if it cost my humanity!!!!!"

*leaves*

The self-destruct quota and CT management let us conserve Arioch

..................................

Why you do this to me, game?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand done

"But before that: Agrias I know what your heard from Gafgarion, but please try to-"

"I knew you were a Beoulve this whole time"

"But.......How?"

"Beoulves have a mark that proves their relation with the Zodiac heroes. And one night you were careless while in your sleep and I saw your left shoulder"

"Heh.......I better check my door before sleep at night then"

"Are we done here? We need to save the princess"

"Right"

Let me repeat myself once more: Be prepared for a lot of resets here. Once the battle starts, you're getting overwhelm quickly and you must prioritize who's the most threatening units for your party setup:

- Dragons with a good sandbagging potential (Fairy) and nuking power (Holy)
- Ninjas that will put down units with easy and make harder comebacks (Boomburst)
- Chocobos that are annoying because they can do both (Meteorite/Mana bomb and Wish)
- Gaffy who can potentially one shot people reliably (Geomancy and hell, even his attack can hurt like a bitch)

The saving grace its that outside of Gaffy, everything can die in two hits, so if you manage to get on your feet, they will drop down quickly

Meanwhile.....

*steps*

Damn, and here I thought I was a dick

In short: The real princess just happen to be part of my roster now (She's still more useful than Algus)

"So.......you want to kill me?"

"I hope that pride of yours can get you far enough because once Larg put his hands on you, you're dead"

"........."

This would be more powerful if Delita didn't stare at her like some lost child

Agrias will do some heavy lifting and Oersted it's just his usual self

Learned skills:

<Agrias>

Thief:

Concentrate
Static: Inflict Don't act and Slow on attacker when the unit receive damage 

Getting surrounded out of nowhere it's basically CH2's motto at this point

These enemies scream "Fill me up with status effects" and I can only do but comply their needs

Thanks for the tip, man

Oersted cockblock Gaffy while Agrias finally gets to do some busting

Both expected and unexpected things are going on 

until Antigone goes Jihad on our asses (Agrias getting extra crisped by a well put fart by his friend)

#BloodSwordIt'sTheBestSword

For some reason, once I get this Goblin on critical, he decides to spam accumulate while hiding for me. Not that I'm complaining, mind you

Gaffy finally gets rid of dont act and it's coming for us 

But who cares about that: FREE LOOT!!!

Despite being quite fast and mobile, Gaffy tends to beeline toward the highest MP unit with Ignite, so I bait him with Genryu, keep him lock out with Stop & roll/Arm aim and finally hit it till it dies. Just simple as that

And dead he is

In this picture we can appreciate Oersted talking to his past self about his recent achievements ( that or Emmy just messed up with the potraits, but who knows Amrite?)

Your average bad/good cop duo

Party setup

The abomination in blood and flesh (literally)

 

 

So.....you know who these dudes are? Because I'm pretty sure the game doesn't give a fuck about telling us

"Who's the one giving you orders"

"........My life will be spare if I do?"

"that would depend: if your words are to be trusted, you have nothing to fear"

".........That man"

So.....the dude like his tentacles,huh?

And then he dies by being high five'd waaaaay too hard, thus starting this cutscene:

Looks nice? that's because it's a cutscene, but in reality this whole plotdump can be summarized as:

"The queen got herself into jail because being a slut it's kinda ilegal in Ivalice, while Ovelia takes the throne because that's how it works (or at least Game of Thrones tries to shoehorn). Oersted's older bro decides that he also wants the throne, so he starts a war to "save" the queen (aka murder her ass off-screen) and take the wheel, thus the subtitle of this whole clusterfuck of a game"

Back to the plot.........

We're all the way back at the League of Evil headquarters. I could also try to be interested on this exposition, but Orlandu does his damn job and actually condese this whole situation in one screenshot:

Moving on................................(BTW, CH3 HYPE!!!!!)

We get some news pokemons to our collection except for a byblos because fuck them: I don't dance

Fortunately, this Minotaur will take his place instead, meaning than yet another one will hit the bench. And the choose one is....................................................

Silva. Whoever the hell that monster was (Really, this is like her third appearance and she was recruited waaaaaay back at CH2)

Oersted looks kind of weak as priest and there's a reason for that: Since I just updated my game to 3.0, both Oersted and Agrias are now pretty much growth units and until they get some lvls under the belts, they will be behind in terms of HP/MP (They're even handicapped with -100 hp and -40/50 MP at lvl 99).

Any sane man would either stick with the previous version or just start anew, but that's not the case here: I'm basically doing hard mode so wish me luck

 

And we start off with a dragon getting bullied by a myriad of bloodthirsty monsters

NO SHIT SHERLOCK

This map bring to us quite a few issues: Those dragons will tear you a new hole (especially the one with equipment since you won't shut him down with status aside of sleep), aboleths are in the same pack with the extra of being extremely dangerous if left alone too long and the new fairies oddparents are amazing with their ability of being both an annoying magic user and some kind of cute flying hadoken dispenser (don't ask)

Status effect galore (And for a first the charm was actually quite lucky to land without any retry)

Debuffs are next and Gasper get's to experience frozen by first hand

Some killing and the faeries are my top priority now with those numbers going on

STOP!!!!

IT'S SPAMMING TIME!!!

Musty's doing some leg work while Gasper take a sip of the poor lady for his beauty treatment

Eye gouge actually does something good for me for once and doesn't miss

This looks like a one-sided battle but trust me: They will beat the living shit out of you the moment they get a spell out

And boom goes the dragon

"Huh......Fate it's a cruel misstress"

"???"

"Don't mind me"

And then he proceed to handshake his.....private parts (Vanilla animations are soo fucking funny out of context)

Bye dude: Don't step on those green spots on the world map or you're up for a nasty suprise

Overall, this is just a warm welcome from the game, so treat it as such. Please do not take this one lightly: One misstep and the team will fall like flies so mindful thinking is required. You absolutely must sacrifice Olan in order to archieve anything since these enemies will get turns before you and finally, that uber dragon will be a common thing so please do tooltip everything.

Oersted decides to visit his nerdy brother to touch a pretty sensible subject. I hope he knows what he's doing

Way to go. You must be a charm when it comes to terminal diagnostics 

Dude, I think his problem has more about "understanding" than anything

"Looks away"

"Wait, I-I'm didnt mean that.............."

"Don't get worked up: I finally know where I belong.......Out of this place"

Well.......didn't go that well, but hey, things can't possible get worse right?

OF COURSE THEY CAN 

Warning: This whole battle it's about to get trivialized

Learned Skills:

Agrias:
<Chemist>
Throw Item
Plume

<Time Mage>
Daze: Damaging skills have br% chance of delaying CT by 20

Oersted:
<Priest>
Mega Cure: Proc Regen (Range 4, AoE 1)
Giga Cure: Proc Protect/Shell (Range 4, AoE 2, Unreflectable)

...........................

"SHIT!!!!" *Falls off his ass*

"Heya Oersted!!!! Why you're on the floor?"

"Because of you frigging ninja, DON'T DO THAT!!!!"

"Pfff, what a sissy: And I was about to warn you about that strange heretic hunter"

"Yeah, Yeah just laugh at- Wait, did you say heretic hunter?"

"Alma......................WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T MENTIONED THAT IMMEDIATELY?"

"I did: You just keep looking at the landscape like some kind of retarded for like ten minutes"

"Just.....don't get killed, okay?"

Today's map it's a genuine battle of attrition: No one over there needs to be near you to inflict lots of damage and you must disable all the lackeys (including yet another ??? unit because haha fuck you) to do anything against Zalmo. Alma it's actually quite useful so do try to keep her alive

My first course of actions it's to back up and stack every single buff I have available (while learning Slow 2 from a very kind bomb )

Next step comes in the form of Reia winning the entire battle by confusing Zalmo like no one's business

More status effects: Dusk it's the perfect bait for berserk units

Reia dodges a killing blow and gets protected by the power of love (and reraise)

D'aaaawwwwww, he thought he was out of it 

From top left to bottom right:

-Agrias gets MA debuff despite the fact that she doesn't need that

- Dusk gets caught cheating the bomb with the baatezu and shit goes down

-Red bull gives us wings......but not enough to get past the frigging dragon blocking the door

-Agrias brings a sleep sword to a fight where EVERYONE it's inmune to it, thus decides to justify her deployment by missing several circles in a row

Alma gets tired of Oersted pacifist route and she gets to smack everything with her staff (with surprising results BTW). Daze also make his debut by completely shutting down Zalmo alongside slow/confuse spam

And with that I just completely shat on every single enemy. What I'm gonna do while waiting for Zalmo to get his ass off the upper wall? Well............

Look as this Tiamat manages to hit both his friends with a giant meteor...........................twice

What a sore loser

When the hunter becomes the prey

#Brothers (But really, WTF it's he's saying?)

Some kicking and healing later and Zalmo decides that we had enough and leaves, thus finish up this lame excuse of a boss

"My hair it's kind of burned and the whole church wants my head in a stick, but I'm swell"

"Why they're chasing you?"

"It's kind of convoluted but in resume: Our big brother it's kind of a dick while Zalbag needs some serious help from a doctor, Goltana wants to stop Dycedarg by taking control of this whole thing, the church's trying to get rid of both of them, the legendary zodiac stones exist and they can turn you into horrible creatures with tentacles and everyone's racist about me being just a half noble"  

"Huh. Well, about the stones bit......."

"You know my conditions, brother *wink*"

".........I hate when you're right: FINE, JUST TELL ME ALREADY!!!"

"It's on the Library"

"Hmmm......."

*Grabs Alma's staff and toss it away*

"HEY!!!!!"

"Bye slowpoke"

"Alma 2 - Oersted 0"

"Shut up, Agrias"

And that's a wrap. Honestly you don't need advice outside of just spam confuse on Zalmo and berserk everyone else to avoid interference. 

Let's assault the public Library

Learned Skills:

=Ramza=

Time Mage:
Daze*

=Agrias=

Summoner:
Carbunkle: Adds Protect/Shell/Regen/Reflect to targets
Fairy: Revives with 26% HP all targets 

"I know you're old, but christ you're all beat up"

".........Why are you a bonewalker?"

"We demons have the ability to possess nearby bodies to avoid death and it just so happen that a certain lackey of mine died not too long after my defeat"

"Okay...that actually brings more questions than answers, but I let it slide for now"

I dont know about Oersted, but I'm dropping you like a wet rag along the old fart as soon we end here, got it?

Today's match is against and old friend who didnt take the ass-whooping we gave him last time that well: Queklain it's now a ghost which means healing spells will wreck his shit and we just got two healers so this will be quick

I haste the team, but not before getting Othelos out of his dizzyness (As gently as sticking an arrow on his eye. Alma is a caring soul, you see)

Counter flood is one of those skills that could destroy you if the AI had a pretty abusable advantage. Otherwise, is a waste of slots to me

Flare star however will twist your nipples hard

Overall, I feel that Emmy just rush this one out: I mean yes he can be annoying, but even with just Alma and Simon, he's getting rekt so hard that it's not even funny. 

this new equipment does give you a lot of wacky strats, alright:

Learned Skills:

=Oersted=

Monk:
Repeated Fist: Bypass Defenses
Zen Headbutt: Holy elemental attack
Mind Shield: Reduces damage by 50% when your MP is at max. decreases as you lose MP (1% per 2% MP lost)

The plot is as weak as vanilla, so let's focus on the gameplay

This is a nightmare: These bodybuilders over here can tank physical hits while also blocking regular spells via reflect, so better get creative. Taijus are there to patch up, squids to fill you with status effects and the chocobo is a running gag at this point

The chocobo starts strong by going straight into my team, just to get inmediately stopped by Oersted

 OH GAWD: Those things are using steroids!!!

That's how I like my squid: extra crispy

The team get haste just before everyone begin drop out like dorito and flies. 

I move Agrias into the aqua rake directed to my tiamat in order to heal her while at the same time revive the poor thing after the smack. However, I used Darvos with Merton to heal him beforehand, thus everything gets cancel out in the end

another one bites the concrete and I exploid the Ogre's apocalypse because Darvos was meant to die anyways. You see: Apocalypse serves as Flare star except that is basically a AoE lifebreak that strike both parties, thus making units with it into quite a pain in the ass....except that you can move your cards and actually swipe down everything in your path, including said enemies

Like so

The chocobo finally gets free from the status

But unfortunately, Oersted is a prick and he gets stoned

Let the games begin.......

A good option to put these killjoys down is someone on critical hp with Endeavor and another unit following up with anything (except earth attacks)

Some time passes and Tauroneo decides to bring another for the ride

SHIT!!! He shrug an arrow to the face. Guess we have to use plan B

Also know as: BLOW THEM AWAY!!!!

Is he searching the stones or he loves the horoscope that much? Find out next time!!!!

Is has been a long time since Oersted did some magic tricks:

Learned skills:

=Agrias=

<Ranger>
Voracity: Heals 1/4 of damage deal on the target (In case of several target inside an AoE attack, just the one mear the center of the attack will trigger the passive)

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"You know what? fuck it, let's bust some balls people"

This map is my favorite in this chain of battles since the enemies will come at you per waves and you don't want them to gang bang your units without lube. The goblins will reach you first so they must be deal with ASAP, then Izlude will reach up and cause havoc across the board to finally let those pesky mimes do the cleaning. What makes this into a time race is those new enemies over there, which I will detail shortly

The bird itself is actually quite easy to deal with, but annoying if left alone too long (as every single chocobo)

Mustadio decides to use eye gouge to avoid unnecessary pain in the future while Agrias just turn on her tankiness 

Damn, Oerstsed has been hitting the library: Just look at those numbers

Reraise comes in and now you can guess those Movers true objective: Those are here to buff the loving shit of the enemy forces and unlike most battles, we have essentially FOUR enemies doing PA boosting every turn so status effects are a go here

Berserk an Confusion are the best candidates to get some breath in this messy place: While you're not disabling the enemy, you are cutting out their ability to escape your attacks, thus rendering this battle as a simple test of "How much you know about sandbagging?"

And really do try to bring someone with reraise because each one of them will essentially become one punch man (Also, lulz at that glitch over there)

Here I come to realize that Murglis would rather been replaced by Dusk since outside of Divine intervention he's just there and of course Dusk would tear them apart with foul play (uses enemy's PA to calculate damage). But hey, live and learn to immediately forget the second you hit tv

Agrias sure knows her priorities

Izlude tries to save his friend from robbery by murder her ass out of cold blood. What a nice guy

And he got AIDS from it!!!!

Izlude is finally all alone (Movers you say? Well those are cheering from afar I guess)

God knows I needed that berserk to land of him because otherwise he would delete the party by just looking at it

"(Insert speech about noble blood and power here)"

Excuse me? Your dad only signed the peace treatment, so stop pulling shit out of your ass

Because you see: Ajora's ideal world is one where most of his citizens are horrible abominations of nature and furries/tentacle rape is a common thing everyday

Well, I cannot say he's lying: We just dropped like half his army coming this way

IDK you guys, but I would totally trust the guy who use apostrophes in a compromising response

Some burns later.............

"You left behind those creeping things"  

"Hey handsome: What me to show you a special dance?"

I'm trying to unlock the advanced classes now. How to do that is an excellent question though

"Crap!!! that was too close. Those fuckers were about to touch my-"

"We met again my swore enemy. You must be wondering why I'm here now"

"I'm Wiegraf"

".................."

"Ex-Leader of the Death Corps"

"................."

"I almost choke you to death!!!!"

"................."

"...............I'm Miluda's brother"

"Ohhhhhh, now I remember. So.......are you here for revenge?"

This is basically the same as CH1 except that you must kill everything. Minotaurs will confuse/berserk your dudes with their clubs, Behemoths are glass cannons, that squid is there because Emmy needed another enemy and finally Wiegraf will destroy anything that it touch if he care to use sword skills

Those losers decide to read while fighting, thus falling into sleep

Dang, I hope he doesn't do anything horrible like praise on Wiegraf

Did you know that Sacred boost also affects Auto-poyion, thus making it a Full heal per activation. #NerfGreninja

I like how unfair can be a Morbol when attacked by counter with effect spore

Moxie will tear apart my whole team if I don't think of something

That or Bad bracelet could win the whole fight for me. That works too

And with Wiegraf KO, I get creative and give each of his henchmen a fitting death:

Xena hits the floor after inhaling Ovelia's farts (I knew it was a good move to gave her potluck and eggs this morning)

Meanwhile, Alexis and Mestrole get stoned and transfer to my museum 

Next up we have Ortia, who got healed so hard that it went all the way around and kill her

Finally: Oersted decides to read Twilight, which cause a severe aneurysm to poor Eratoss. That's fucked up, man

And down he goes.

Darn it, they got Alma!!! Although, we know for a fact that both Simon and Alma are so useless that they would immediately give themselves out despite the fact one is a sturdy Morbol and the other a Beoulve (renember guys: women are worthless until 2000 onwards. Agrias got lucky I guess)

Well, that's some mindfreak shit going on there

"Why....would you help......a commoner like me?"

Hey, you got something in your.......jaw?

After several minutes, Oersted finally overcome his plot contrivance syndrome and draw his sword

Good going there, buddy: Now we have an oversized goat (Who can talk BTW) hurling around the world trying to sink into a era of despair. This can only end well, folks

Last time, our hero did his best at being completely useless and stare as a horrendous sheep demon left the scene

"Ugg...I shouldn't have run so fast..."

"So...let me see if I got this: You left Alma all alone and she was kidnap just because you was in hot pursuit of a frigging book!?"

"Must....avoid...urge...to...kill...dumb....priest!!!"

And thus, Simon proceed to take the longest nap in existence

I would normally completely gloss over this book, but since I just decided to change the whole thing in favor of a decent narrative, I'm showing off this whole cutscene:

> Glosary:

> Oersted

> Legend of the Brave Zodiacs

> Germonik

> Simon

 

     I picked up the book that Simon gave me before his demise and flipped through the pages.

     The text was in an ancient holy script with drawings in place. It was damaged and hard to read.

     Then, I saw some words in a language I recognized. Somebody had written some notes in the "Ikoku language". Who could have done it?

     Judging from the ink, the older notes have several decades. But the newer ones were from days ago with the ink yet to dry. I realized Simon had been slowly translating this book over the years.

Oersted: Master of basic deduction

      ...I tried reading them by referring to his partial notes.

      It says: this is written by a follower of St. Ajora, Germonik...

      Then, it came to me: Germonik was the disciple who betrayed St. Ajora by selling him to the Yudora Empire!

Add some hearts and exclamation marks and you have every single fangirl in a fandom ever

      Calming myself, I turned the pages. Then, I found something more amazing than the historical legacy in my hands.

      I thought Germonik compiled St. Ajora's words in this book…But I was wrong: Is a record of St. Ajora's activities…But not the St. Ajora we know but Ajora as a human like us

You're on a roll with those deduction skills, eh Oersted?

      It was the golden age, when many airships flew all over the sky...

      The day his legend was born in Bervenia of Lesalia, he stood up, walked to the well  and said: “Calamity will come from this well soon. We must seal it so people don't drink the water”

      Days later, a plague swept over Bervenia and everyone who drank the tainted water died...Except for one family who believed him. Since then, people called him “Child of God”.

      When St. Ajora turned 20, he became a “Savior” and was sent to Heaven.

Because when the local jackass tell you something and it becomes true, you automatically turn him into an eminence. What a exploitable reasonable system they have

      A legend since the times of Yore was present at the time:

      Long before Ivalice was united, it was divided into 7 small kingdoms: Zeltennia, Fovoham, Lionel, Limberry, Lesalia, Gallione, Murond.

      As the kingdoms continued to increase their territories, the wars continued.

      In the several hundred years of war, an ambitious young king was born in Murond. Though he led an army large enough to cover the whole land, the way to victory was long and hard.

      Using a secret method from an ancient book, the king tried to summon an evil spirit to use its power…But the king was killed and the spirit tried to destroy the world.

      When all was lost, twelve followers of god, carrying sacred stones, joined forces to defeat the malevolent one and send it back to Hades...

      They were called “Zodiac Braves”: A group of holy warriors who would appear when the world’s crumbles, save it and disappear into the heavens

So in resume: The local madman decides to summon a demon for shit and giggles, unsurprisingly gets killed because YOLO, everyone's screw, twelve nobody with some colored rocks appear, then killed the beast by throwing stones at it, THE END. 

.......Doesn't sounds that amazing now  

      When St. Ajora was alive, the same story occurs: The King of Limberry summoned an evil spirit to take over Ivalice. The world once again fell into crisis.

      St. Ajora gathered 12 Holy Stones, and just like the legend, formed the Zodiac Braves and killed the evil one.

      But “Heroes” are always a nuisance to rulers of a country...

Why? Because they are way too devoid of evil to understand that every government/royalty is corrupted? 

      The Yudora Empire was afraid of Ajora who was gaining power, who announced the arrival of God's kingdom.

      Yudora’s King sent troops against his sects while The priests of Fara, the largest sect then, caught and executed him at Golgorand Execution Grounds after Germonik                                                   told of his whereabouts for money.

Germonik knows where the money is

      But St. Ajora was a “Child of God” and the priests were smitten by an angry God who drowned their congregation along the whole Kingdom of Murond into the seas…

I starting to get a feeling that EVERYTHING that happen on the land is attributed to god somehow.....

"Dad, our house is getting burned by a lighting!!!"

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT: YOU HAD THE SEX BEFORE MARRY SOMEONE!!!"

      And that's all I know. All anyone in Ikoku knows of the “Myth” of St. Ajora.

      I'm not a true believer in Glabados like Zalbag, but I believed that St. Ajora was a “Child of God” sent from Heaven to save this troubled world...until I read this book...

      The St. Ajora in the “Germonik Scriptures” was a totally different person...

      Ajora was not a 'Child of God', but a human just like us…An ambitious, revolutionary individual who fought to fulfill his dreams.

      Moreover, he loved peace and was not a  hero who risked his life for others.

      This is what Germonik wrote...

      “As founder of an advanced new religion, Ajora is a threat to the Empire. But Ajora has another side to him other than being a priest.

       He’s a spy who entered enemy territory, agitating the waters and gaining information.”

      “The empire, seeing this looming threat, sought my services to find proofs that Ajora was a spy.”

      “Ajora is trying to revive the Zodiac Braves and here are the stones to prove it…But, what does all that have to do with reformation?”

      “I don't know if young King Limberry really summoned an evil spirit. At least nothing is written about it.”

      “However, it is a fact that Murond met with a natural disaster and sunk into the sea at  the time of Ajora’s demise.”

So Germonik did an shitastic job trying to find out what the hell Ajora was scheming and yet they pay him up. Worst contractors ever

       This is where Simon's notes were most interesting…They appeared to be his personal opinion:

      "Despite rumors of its existence, no one ever saw the “Germonik Scriptures”. I don't know whether the book tells the truth or fabricates Ajora's great achievements..."

      "When I was a heresy examiner for the church, many examiners felt afraid to show people the book…Maybe because everything the book said was true."

Or because you stole an important document and tried to exposed it to the world without any kind of confirmation of what it says

      "After Ajora's death, the church had to unite St. Ajora with God making him divine.   To do that, unsuitable facts had to be deleted from history so Ajora could become “Child of God”

      “They were wise to use the Zodiac Brave story, widely believed in Ikoku. It was easy for people to believe the Zodiac Braves, led by St. Ajora, killed an imaginary evil spirit.”

      “When I read this book I lost my faith…But I'm not sad because inspired me to search for the truth.”

Simon: Non-believer but still assists the church every Sunday

      “At the same time, I'm guilty for not bring this to the public, even though I knew the  church was conducting a farce…”

      “Why? Because if I told about the book, they would take the library away from me.”

      “It would have been devastating if the library was taken away from me because it satisfied my thirst for knowledge.”

     “I guess…My curiosity got the best of me.”

WOW.....those porn mags must be really kinky if he didnt leave the whole building even if it was on fire. I hope SOMEONE doesn't suffer that kind of fate

      Simon spoke of “An imaginary evil”. But I sensed a scheme by someone other than the High Priest, after seeing the berserk power of the Holy Stones.

      I must put an end to this whole charade….But how?

I left that one on you: I'm gonna sleep. Night

On my way to the advance classes

Learned Skills:

=Oersted=

<Thief>
Steal Heart: Adds Charm to target

=Agrias=

<Holy Knight>
Holy Explosion: Linear AoE Holy elemental attack (Proc: Blood Suck...I don't know either)

"You can have it"

"And you better not- Wait, are you giving me the deal?"

"Yup, just helping a bro"

"Well, this went pretty smoo-............Why you gave me a porn magazine?"

"Ohhhh......So you didn't came for that?"

"No, I just wanted that old and busted book you just got earlier......."

"................."

"...............Carry on..."

Let's mosey

I just have one comment to resume my whole experience here *ahem*..........FUCK.THOSE.SUCCUBUS: Even though two Goblins and a Black tiamat (Racists.....Racists everywhere) are on the loose, these bitches will ruin the party rather soon with their nigh-impossible to avoid AoE Charm, and even if you don't deal with that, they are a pain to dispose of since they have mp switch. Dispose of them at once

Oersted performs a song so horrible that Agrias went to watch Twilight ti get it out of her mind

Then Malak goes and dispose himself out by a rather cartoonish double flar star from Zelda herself 

Moxie + Tail Glow: a nasty surprise to anything dumb enough to attack the poor thing

Boco goes for the kill while Oersted choose a painful death by food poisoning on poor Teteus

Way over the top explosion!!!!

AAAAAAAAAnd now I look silly

Since Agrias is the only one inmune to DAT ASS, she gets the final blow

"Or we could just wait for them to come since is obviously a trap"

"AS I SAID AGRIAS: We don't have a choice but jump straight into it"

.................Can someone tell me why he's the leader again?

Last time, Oersted and Co. decided to go YOLO and run straight into a trap because plot. In the meanwhile, Delita and Ovelia had been doing their own sub-plot

"Want me to give you some love? Or perhaps you're up to some action with my little friends here?"

Someone got a little salty here

"I was born to be just a token...A war trophy who would be entrusted to the most powerful. I even wonder if my real parents wanted me..." 

"So...I am half-squid?"

"NOT THAT, YOU DUMB BROAD!!!"

Said every single vice-president ever

Awkward hug ensues and so our first and only lovebirds are born 

I took a little longer than usual just because I wanted to all my monsters to catch up. And as you cans see you can grab some broken stuff right of the bat at randoms. I didnt grab any of those

I did however, took this little fella over here to replace Murglis just because the poor jelly was a filler at this point

Oersted and Agrias coming back showcasing some new classes here:

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Monk>
Chakra
Mind Shield
Stigma Magic

<Dragoon>
Seal Evil
Leg Aim
Arm Aim
Blind 2
Chainsaw

<Samurai>
Asura: Fire elemental attack (AoE 2, Vertical 3)
Bizen Boat: Dark elemental attack (AoE 2, Vertical 3)
Kotetsu: Mp damage (AoE 2, Vertical 3)
Murasame: Heals Hp (AoE 2, Vertical 3)

=Oersted=

<Oracle>
Petrify
Dispel Magic

<Ninja>
Throw Bolt/Ice/Fire: Elemental attack (Range 6, blocked with bulletproof )
Coin Toss: Deals damage equal to PA
Smoke Bomb: Adds Transparent/Defend to target 

I would mash together both messages or just point out Oersted being dumb once again but meh

"Agrias, are you seeing them too?"

"Yup"

QUICK: HIDE YOUR COWS!!!!

Today's match is against Olmar's friends: Pikmins (I know is really WTF material, but just follow me on this one) . These things are pretty well know as those annoying things that are on par with chocobos in terms of sheer annoyance. Stomp them before they can actually do that

Sleep,Confusion,Silence or Death Sentence. Pick one of those

#FeedbackIstheNewSelfDestruction

Red Bull: Gives you Wings!!!! (But really, dafuck are doing those guys)

In general, your best bet is debuffing everything here and just kill everything one at the time

And done with the trash. Sorry for this one being so empty, but I guess they didn't even stand a chance

Oersted and Co. decides to follow his leader stupid plan and go inside the fray for no apparent reason outside of "because plot"

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Samurai>
No Guard: All abilities done or take by this unit that are subject to evasion have 100% hit

=Oersted=  

<Ninja>
Mold breaker: Ignores Reflect,Concealment,Abbandon,Runic,Wallchange,Blade Grasp and Bulletproof effects

<Oracle>
Persuade: Adds Don't Act (Single Target)
Insult: Adds Berserk (Single Target)

<Summoner>
Silf: Wind elemental (AoE 2, Adds Faith if target's absorbs Earth)

 

Ohh look, it's a welcome party!! (Said no one ever in  RPG's)

"Okay then, let's go everyone" *tries to walk away*

"W-Wait a sec!! Why you're not trying to catch us?"

"Uhh....Because I really don't know who you are and I don't care either way?"

Ehh, he's just crazy. Let's go Oer-

........WHY IN HELL ARE YOU UNINTENTIONALLY IMPLYING THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH ALL THIS!?!?!?

Good going smartass: Now we have to mow our way thought these critters because you can't just shut your mouth like Agrias did like twenty or so battles ago

You should be careful here: Every single monster here is capable of revive/heal/restore all the allies on the field, so going LEEROY JENKINS on their asses will prove rather painful

For starters, those Taijus won't stop healing, meaning that Sunlight will be on the loose and any direct attack will prove to be futile in the long run. Just stick to status effects

And this is me CLEARLY following my own advice

Since status effects are key here, I just kit both Oersted and Agrias to be the perfect supports: Oersted being able to Sleep/Berserk anything MP free and Agrias having the touch of death via Seal evil augment with the newly bought No Guard

Mustadio and a fellow Dragon re-enact Romeo & Juliet with the expected ending

Juliet is not happy about it

Something to noted is that despite the fact I got half their forces under Confusion/Petrify, they still got the upper hand since all they need to use is a well put esuna to fix that and both Oersted and Mustadio were currently taking a dirt nap

GET SNIPE'D

I just love when the enemy just outright ignore any kind of logic and use a buff with a big AoE and Range IN FRONT OF IT'S TARGET

And thus, I won by default: Every single unit of their side is either stuck with Stop/Don't act/Sleep or Petrify for good

the only thing left to do is watch as they fall like tower of cards (Also, have a look at Silf's summon boosted with Mold breaker, is completely useless against enemies who can heal dozens of HP in a second)

Even Xypha get her/his tentacles dirty 

and down they go

Don't be such a dick: At the very least they didn't have a fake death and return to get their asses kicked......THREE TIMES IN A ROW 

Last time, Oersted and pals got into a skirmish and remove them from existence just because of their insolence

"Oersted....you must use the pants......"

"Ohhhh shut it you freak"

"Having troubles thinking straight, ehh?"

"hmm?"

"Do I really need to answer that?"

"Touche"

"But you can, I don't know, send off assassins to butcher them and be on your merry way OR if that just proof to be hard, just call out your troop and ambush them when they try to come at you"

 "Yeah.....this whole war is inevitable"

"Just....grab this card and give it to someone callled Orlandu"

"Olan.....take the card......"

"AHHHH, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU?!?"

"I'm Orlandu"

"Why are you here if you're not death?"

"Because my son needs me and I'm doing everything in my power to help"

"....That doesn't explain anything abou-"

"Just shut up and follow the script"

"I'll take it to him if you don't mind"

"What the-......what are you doing?!?!"

"Giving up the scriptures, why?"

"Are you drinking stinky water? How you expect to save Alma without it?"

"Yeah, because those assassins will CLEARLY hold their end of the bargain"

"And you REALLY think they won't just kill her that if you throw said book into Olan's property?"

"Master.....are you sure is a good plan to leave that rogue on the loose?"

"Nope. I'm 100% sure this won't bite me in the ass years later. Now....where I left my book?"

It's time to blow off some critters

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Priest>
Reraise
Protect
Shell
Sacred Boost

"That lamp didn't have a genie inside of it"

"And why did that boy scream and took it from me, huh?"

"Maybe because you fucking stole that from him!!!"

"Why are you so thickhead? He's manipulating us!!!"

(IT'S HEAVILY IMPLIED THAT HE'S BITCH SLAPPING HER)

"Why do I have the feeling this will turn into ANOTHER dumb plot and I won't be able to escape from it?"

"Ohh shusssh woman, it will be fun!!!"

This is outright pitiful compare to the last battle: Those birds are annoying until you figure out both geomancy and throw are pretty effective against them, and while the other three are  juggernauts on their own, they will fall when the battle becomes six against three 

Our first victim decides to open the battle with a failed charm, while Agrias prepares the sandbagging

TROLOLOLOLO 

"And this is important because....."

"Nothing. I just wanted to point that out for emphasis"

 

Ahhh Geomancy: When everything else fails, just use it and laugh on their faces

Darvos decides to just stick into quick everything on his range (sad I know), while Arioch does his best before kicking the buck

And he wasn't joking in that regard. Malak will toss himself into the fire if he sees the chance to hit multiple targets. Of course, this also means he's all alone without any supports

GET SNIP-

Okay. Nevermind

After getting confused, one of Malak subordinates decides that the best way to snap out someone is to attack him, which of course ends up in a horrible manner (props for trying though)

Agrias dies with rough skin, which would be bad if I didnt predicted that and positioned her ass on range of Rafa's Fairy spell

One must wonder why they even try in the first place

Unlike our last time, Malak and his goons each had his own agenda, meaning that I will delete each one without someone else coming to his help most of the time

I'm starting to change my mind about geomancy in general: This is just too insane to pass out

MONSTER HEAL!!!

Please, just stop

And away he goes

Since I didnt blow up something, let me add this fine piece of work to my museum to end this

And Oersted Harem got upgraded to a human, a squid and a dragon that day. Overall, I think Malak should learn how teamwork is done: all his units are disjointed and I got the easiest of times once his birds were wasted for the count. At the very least he thrashed my for like, one turn so yay him. 

After escape from their persecutors, Oersted and friends are now inside a aqueduct. Never mind the fact in this era that kind of stuff didn't exist at all (And don't come off with an Ass Pull like "this a mythical land" because bathroom are anything but mythical)

"This is a long story. Do you wanna hear it anyways?"

"On second though, I-"

"Malak, why did you bring kidney again?"

"Because deal with it, or you rather prefer some nice and fresh balls?"

"So...you're ninjas?"

"We are a legendary clan of warrior that excels at forgotten arts that invoke the powers of nature"

"So.....you're MAGIC ninjas then?"

"We are not-Just shut up and listen"

"Except that you didn't achieve anything aside of discuss with your brother, get slapped for your troubles and end up with our merry group"

"You know what? Enough about talking of my life's fairs"

So...Oersted just doesn't stop until justice is served? 

Ohhh darn: Another one is falling to his charms. Quickly, we need a plot, right now

"......Pfff, HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!"

"Wha.....WHAT IS SO FUNNY!?!?"

"Of all the things you can choose to send a message to the enemies to inflict them with fear and despair, you choose Renne the frog?"

"JUST HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING!!!"

"Brother, please reconsider before you do something you'll regret"

"And what is exactly you're gonna do to archive that? Blow up this place to pieces?

"You just HAD to open you mouth, doesn't it?"

"keep it quiet: You're suppose to be just another unit at this point"

"hear me well: I'm getting my own guild and I will travel across this whole goddamn place"

"Yeah,yeah. Just grab the things and follow my lead"

"One day Agrias.......one day....." 

There is something funny about battles in woods in this game: They're all annoying

"(Hey Agrias, Why is she talking medieval all of the sudden?)"

"(Ehh, maybe she's one of those weirdos who actually read the script)"

Since Augestein have probably complain enough about them, I will just reforce his opinion: Dealing with these snoots is quite annoying since the only ways to inflict actual damage will be block by them, so better bring AoE spellcasters (Or a mime if you know how to properly use them)

You can bet your ass all those Ghosts/Remnants will go a throw at you as soon as the word go

Good thing that even with a handicap, Oersted is a one-punch man at this point

I had debuffers before, but no one can do the status game as good as Ovelia: Bad touch can set up things so they pile-drop on her and trigger her Effect Spore which is borderline broken in the right situation

It doesnt help that that Confusion/Defense ignoring damage is the way to go against these walkers and I just got those on spades

Uhhh.......I can arrange you two a room if you want, you know?

Dangit. Now I need to switch into plan B

plan Blow them up confirmed (BTW, Payback is dark elemental so take advantage of that)

Good thing decay also has the side effect of cockblock all kind of buffs to enemy units

If you want a good advice, please just bring one between Oersted and Agrias with item: those rubber hammers exist for a reason

Alternatively, you can do like me and forget why you did bring out said unit in the first place and waste a turn

I haven't mention this, but of course this is clearly a race against time: Those Blood Jellies are damage sponges who only purpose is to prolong this battle so the reviving via undead properties occurs and you get surrounded by units you had dispatch turns ago (even worse since by now your units must have taken quite a beat without including the nasty undead status)

Since I had enough of this crap, bad bracelet stops any kind of comeback on this side of the barn

And Boco goes for the kill

YOU DON'T SAY!!!!!

Overall, I think this is rather good to teach some players about an important fact: It doesn't matter if you have the perfect plan for every single battle,if you can't adapt you're worm food...Or as I like to say: GIT GUD OR DIE

(Before you ask: No, Emmy modify potions so they can't hurt the undead, otherwise this would have been the scenario:

You know shit it's about to get real when the game show you this prompt

"You should also seek out my execution barracks, they are quite mesmerizing"

Okay Vormav, I think we can all agree at this point that even Malak knows that those stones are real, so stop that ass pull right there (-_-)

Molbar Virus is a code for "Oersted kick him out of existence"

"What a nice and warming father-son moment, but I don't care about that. Just give me the stones"

"Ahh, Balbanes last son has finally arrive.....Seize him"

"I see....Then let's get this party started, shall we?"

"Izlude, I want you to trust your father just this one out, okay?"

"Okay.....What do you want from me?"

"Survive"

And thus, Vormav decided to use his secrets stash of firecracker to start the night...Oh and he turned into a demon and completely annihilate everyone in the room 

rocking on with the B-team

Of course Malak: He will hold his end of the bargain

"I don't like to spoil the fun, but you are REALLY DUMB if you think I will gladly give up my life just now"

"Let us see if you keep that snarky personality after I smack you with my claws!!!"

This whole place spells danger: Unlike in vanilla, going in and dispose of everything will net you a very death team, so better grab everyone's ass and hightail to the corner ASAP 

The general consensus to deal with this place is teamwork: Agrias and Xipha are there to shut down as many threats they can before going down, Othelos and Oersted are there to support and Ovelia's hides because she's a panic button (Who's Rafa?) 

(I didn't shot a wall with Agrias, a morbol was hidding there and I failed to notice him until I check the unit list after the battle started) 

AI shenanigans: Othelos got pelted with holy and triggered synchronize. Since said ability apply with the status effects on the unit BEFORE ending the turn, that dragon has essentially buff himself for free while hitting Othelos with slow and don't act via static since grudge activated. Talking about being a spirited bitch 

Ovelia buff Agrias before slap Rafa's ass to activate this cutscene: 

So yeah: Malak is so useless that he doesn't even care about dealing with us if her sister so happen to get hurt enough. #ThugLife 

Stuff happens and Oersted decides to follow the pacifist path 

Not that he knows how to actually play the harp but it's the through that counts 

Monster Heal!!! 

After a while, Oersted decides that the power of love is bullshit and goes back his old ways 

This is not by any stretch won: Even when they're confused, they somehow managed to cripple my plans several times

Finally, after being left with these critters, I realized I did a fatal mistake: I lack someone who can bypass their horrendous defenses (those robots have 61/40 PA/MA damage reduction for example) 

And this is me prologing the battle for about five minutes just because of that mistake (Still better than 1.3 by a mile)

"Hey, I'm a citizen like you!!"

"Not you jackass....there's an abomination....with the form...of a sheep......BLARG"

"Oh crap, I hope it is NOT who I think it is"

And done with this crapsack. I must admit, I had to redo this one twice just because going on the offensive at all is quite hard since they got that on spades while having good supports, so better tank those blows and disable at least the dragons to avoid future ragequits.

"Oersted, where in hell are you?"

"OH CRAP, He got covered in ketchup!!"

Stop being a wuss: You just lost half your face and you're pouring blood from ALL your orifices you big baby

What you expect: "Okay Alma, get a hold of yourself and think: Maybe I should wait here for my brother or search for someone in the castle to escort me out or  jump off the window into that pond back on the front OR make use of my magic and just outright mow everything in my way to the backdoor....."

What happens: "Ehh, I'm gonna walk aimless across this whole mess and hope for the best" 

Alma Beoulve: Not exactly the sharpest tool in the shelf 

Ramza got captain planet's message and Agris is going Ninja for the lulz

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Thief>
Anger Point: Does double damage when hp is critical

<Ninja>
Boomburst: Attacks the target's weakness. Bypass defense

=Oersted=

<Squire>
RNG Guard: All non 100% rpocs/skills are ignored by this unit (AKA "Screw you, RNGJESUS")

 

Oersted is the embodiment of "You can't touch this" while Agrias decides to cosplay Ovelia of all things

Learned Skills:

=Oersted=

<Chemist>
Sturdy: Survives a mortal attack with 1 hp (The more hp you have, more chances you have to trigger it)
 

"Alma, what did I told you about walking aimless?"

"HA! this isn't my first time dealing with the undead, What's the worst that could happen?"

Uhh Oersted....You might want to go and check your sight, because these guys aren't joking around (Also, good job eating dirt as soon the first one moved Alma, I always knew I could count on you)

 

Some first time players would dismiss the danger and think this is just a field trip to those with healing magic. That is until we compare said goblins with say....Mustadio, and find out they outspeed him by TWO POINTS.

So yeah, Emmy added a new flag called "Evil Brand". Said brand has the amazing property to grant it's user +2 PA/MA/Speed and Innate: Undead. To give you an idea how frigging nightmare fuel is this whole situation: Velius had 14 speed and could run circles around my units and pack some punch. But he was one.....and you could land don't move to suppress the annoying factor. Not so much luck here since not only we don't have the resources to outspeed said bastards (meaning: THEY'RE GETTING THE FIRST TURN NO MATTER WHAT) but also the fact that you fight SIX OF THEM, turning this into a massacre if you don't know what to do and go YOLO to your death.

(For the record, I lost six time before this footage came out. And all those game overs happen in the lapse of fifteen minutes. Yeah)

first off, let's have reraise on all my dudes for good measure (#StigmataIsUnderrated)

And now let just watch as my plan almost got foiled because those dicks decided to focus on the one I need alive (Good thanks Bezekiras have good physical evade)

Silent Lucidity has the nice feature of not only sleep them but also avoid their healing factor via Cone of Cold

Not that this solves the problem of getting hit yourself with it

BTW, Moogle+Sacred Boost kind of destroys them

Sunlight will see "the light of day" in my repertory......maybe....eventually......nah

Upping dat magic to get shit done quick

Tactical Nuke by Arioch and Oersted eats a bullet so he can be killed (88 damage looks low right? that's because Oersted reduces all physical damage received by 45% via his armor, otherwise that harmless punch would have done around 160-180 damage. Yup, don't waste any time here)

More shenanigans from my end and done with this pain of a fight

"Could you stop getting kidnapped? If you keep going, you will catch up with frigging

Peach!!!"

"Awww......I knew you had a soft side on you, Oersted."

"Shut up boobs, I'm talking with my sister here"

"......"

"OH SHIT, give me a sec"

"Technically.......they cannot die"

"WHAT?!? BUT WE KILL ONE WITH SIMON!!!"

"Ohh that shambling skeleton? I killed the real deal waaaay back when I was escorting Ovelia and her brainless guard"

"Hey, show some more respect: I was able to rescue AND lead her back to the castle and ok, I didn't know Draclau was evil, but that isn't the case here!!!"

"Ohhh sorry, my fault. Ovelia and her USELESS guard"

".......You know? I hate you sometimes"

"You're welcome"

"Like hell I'm letting you go with my sister without a fight!!!"

"Ohhh you? I have something prepared for you.......LOOK, THERE'S DELITA"

"Heh, like I would fall for tha-"

"AND HE'S TAKING A SWORD FROM THE GROUND"

"WHERE!?!?!?"

"TA-DA" *dissapears*

"Good going, hero"

"Just shut up and follow me"

The end of CH3 is nigh and you can bet you ass I'm gonna go out with style

I knew I shouldn't have made that phoenix wright reference

"......."

"And you want to know why? Because I own you and your phony brother.....You two are a complete waste of space in this world and I gave you a reason to live.....Now, tell me, do you wish to attack me?"

"She's can't, but I would do it with pleasure"

"Malak, W-What are you doing here?"

"Well, there is no point hinding it from you: Yes, both of you were my dolls all these years and I would have control of Ivalice if your little sister wasn't that stubborn with that black and white mentality. But don't worry, I will put an end to her insubordination"

"Rafa, WATCH OUT!!!!!!!!!"

*Is heavily implied he got shoot in the face*

"Oh crap, I know where this is going. Now, just step back slowly and-"

"dammit"

"Do it now or I will fill her body with hot iron"

Squidward for the left with amazing speed and grabs the ball, tresspass all defenses and going in with a dunk.........

BOOM SHAKALAKA!!!!

"Elmdor!! You seems....quite unique now"

"I know right? this new haircut is just too much for the señoritas"

"Fuck that noise: By this point I'm pretty sure another disaster went down just because she was kidnapped"

"Brother's love in all it's finest"

"Shut it you"

So today's map......IS DANG EASY. In fact, I got a five steps plan to get dispose of everyone while getting awesome stuff:

1) Use Rafa's Seismic Wave and chip down their HP so one of the inevitably use chakra on the other

2) Then put someone with low magic damage reduction near (Mustadio is perfect for that) so he gets targeted, while someone apply reflect

3) Go in and steal Elmdor's armor since he gets Holy absorption so he gets pelt down with heals and such 

4) Kill everyone but on squid and put it to sleep or something

5) Have fun

In other news: WHY I CAN'T STEAL YOUR STUFF!?!?

Ripperoni, rest in ravioli you filthy casual

Ehh, I will probably take a stroll around the place before even think about it

Ohhh stop being dramatic: He just got shot in the head. I'm pretty sure Oersted was even impaled by a lance and he's dandy

I would joke about this whole situation but this is just too jarring to watch. Take notes people: When you have a fantasy world where death it's a slap in the hand, at least make sure when someone die that said person expired because of an extreme wound or explosion. #RuleOfRPG's

"Rafa....I think is time to go"

"Yeah...... your brother would like you to live as a homeless hipster in the wildness"

"You ALWAYS have to be a dick, don't you?"

"I wouldn't do this if all of you would think at least for a second"

"YOU''RE JUST A EXILED GUY WHO NOW WANT TO REPAIR THIS COUNTRY WITHOUT KNOWING A THING ABOUT IT, SO STOP BEING SO PRETENTIOUS AND SHUT UP!!"

"..................."

"Now, Rafa please let us go out of here and- What are you doing with that stone?"

"My brother.......I need him back......"

"Wait, Rafa DON'T-"

Well........that's certainly new

"Your sister decided to use a diabolus ex-machina that convert everyone who use it so far into some abomination on you so she wouldn't be alone in this world"

"......WHAT?!?"

"I hope you enjoy your new boobs"

*LATER*

"............."

"I don't know how to put it, but I was floating in a sky, near a white door which open. Just when I was about to enter, an voice came out of nowhere and told me to go back to my loved ones"

"These stones....they just cast miracles to those with strong desires without any discrimination. If this world was cleanse for evil, perphaps......No, if this world NEEDS this power to flourish, maybe we are less worthy to exist here than I thought"

 

And with that, the twins have join our crew. I also got a Jelly but fuck that noise, I don't want a snack